365+ values

A list of 10 family values

There are several lists with family values and morals on the Internet, but none of them seem to satisfy. The main problem is that many of these lists also focus - more on less - on religious values. Naturally, these religious values and morals can be important for an individual.l Yet, as family values are the ideas how to live a family life, many people do not automatically connect family values with religion or God. It should also be possible to have a good family life without a religious foundation, they argue.

For many years, I asked my students what family values they think are imporant. I admit the scientific foundation is meager but the following family values are often mentioned.

1. Love

2. Honesty

3. Respect

4. Trust

5. Loyalty

6. (Jointly) Fun

7. Sharing

8. Independence / individuality

9. Fairness

10. Positivity

Family value number 8, indepedence always surprises me. But, so is often the explanation, to be a good family also implies moments of independence. For possibilities to be on your own. To be yourself.

Finally, I am always interested in your list: is the above list of family values allright?

What is a value?

In other to live a valuable life, it is important to know what values are and which values you can achieve. Regular visitors of our website know that this is the philosophy of this blog. But what exactly is a value? As mentioned in our list of values, we have adopted a fairly broad definition of 'value'. Even virtues are included here (because virtues are valuable?). Yet, this raises the question of what the definition is of a 'value'.

To answer this question, I always like to point out the definition of a value described by Timmons (in Moral Theory, an introduction (2nd, p. 8):

"To speak of the value of something is to speak of its being either good or bad, or neither good nor bad (some things have no value, positive or negative)"

A nice, simple definition of 'value'. As a consequence, to live a valuable life is to live a good life. But this does not say much as this immediately raises the question of what a good life is.

To answer that question, it can be useful to understand the distinction between intrinsic value and extrinsic value. In a next post, I will explain what the difference is between these two concepts. This is important because your ideas about the nature of the good (and the good life) are in the end ideas about the nature of intrinsic value.

But first I would like to hear from you! Do you have an example when life was good? (or is this the wrong question?)

List of values: the value open-mindedness

Value #214 on our list of values

Sophia, what do you think that open-mindedness means?

"That your always open-minded!"

[smile]

Ok, but what does it mean to have an open-mind? It has something to do with brain-surgery?

"Ha, nooooo, you should not take it literally. It means that you are open to the ideas and suggestions of other people. That you do not always hold on to your own position."

"I think that you can always be open-minded. Because it does not mean that you always have to agree with everybody."

Hold on to your own position; ok. Can you give an example of a moment you were open-minded?

"I am always open-minded!"

Ok, so it must be easy to give an example.

"Uhm, ok, I do not think it is a problem that gay-people want to marry. If people are in love they should have the opportunity to marry. It doesn't matter if both are men or women."

An interesting topic! But are you also open-minded to people who do not agree with you? People who want to prevent gays from getting married?

"Sometimes. If they have a good argument I would probably listen. But till today I have not heard a good argument. Love will win!"

So open-mindedness also implies being open-minded to the arguments of other people?

"For me, yes. I think that you can always be open-minded. Because it does not mean that you always have to agree with everybody."

[...]

Friendship

Moral value #147 on our list of values and virtues:

- What is a value?
"Something has value if it is important for a specific person."

- Can you give an example of something that is important for you? An example that illustrates your answer on the question "what is a value?"
"My friends are important for me; they are valuable."

- So the question "what is a value" can be answered "the friends of Emily"?
"No, of course not. My friends are not by definition of any value for other people. Having friends is valuable!"

- Having friends? So more than one?
"I have more than one friend. And I value having more than one friend. But having one good friend can also be valuable. Friendship is valuable."

- Can you explain why friendship is valuable? Is it valuable for something else?
"With a good friend you can talk about private issues. About your problems. If you're alone you will probably suppress your frustration and feel more miserable. To have a good life requires that you can express your frustrations. And that you can tell someone about your victories."

- So, you cannot live a good life if you cannot tell someone about your victories?
"That is right."

- Does this imply that hermits can never have a good life?

"Maybe they can have a good life but I do not think that they live a happy life. "

- Because without friends you can never happy?
"I would be very sad if I had no friends. In general, I think this is true for everyone."

- And that's it what makes friendship a value for you?
"That is what makes a friendship valuable for me. Friendships are important.

[...]

Depth

Our value of the day is number #94 on our list of values and virtues: depth. Many people think that it is important to have depth. Yet, it is rarely a core value. Maybe because it is difficult to define what "depth" is? Is it the same as profundity? So our question to you is: what is your meaning of depth? Do you have an example when "you were deep"? As always I like to read your stories, examples:

Curiosity

Number #85 on our list of values and virtues is curiosity. And isn't curiosity all about asking questions? But as the philosopher Longworth writes: "In asking questions, the fundamental aim is to help oneself, other attendees, or the speaker to better understand the issues involved in the talk." So it appears that curiosity and better understanding are not automatically connected. Our question of the day: in what way are curiosity and better understanding connected?

About value #160 on the list of values

Today we are talking about number 160 on our list of values: happiness. David, what is happiness?

"When you're happy, everything is going alright. You are pleased with how your life is going."

Does the first part of your answer on the question "what is happiness" implies that happiness is an all-or-nothing state? When everything is o.k. then you're happy. But when one thing is not alright then you're not happy anymore?

"No! You can also be more and less happy."

More and less happy? I don't understand. Can you give an example?
"Last weekend I was happy. I went to the zoo with my parents. I enjoyed the trip very much. At the end I even got a present. So the whole day I was happy but when I got that present I even was 'more happy'. Unfortunately, at home there was no time for me to play with my new toy. At that moment I was still happy, yet less happy."

Given this example, were you at your highest happiness when you got that gift?

"Maybe. I don't know. I was very happy. But it is possible to imagine something extra in which I was even more happier then. If I had gotten for example, two gifts. But to be honest I don´t know. I was very happy. Maybe an extra gift would not make me more happy. Now that I think about it I think happiness does have a limit."

Your answer on my question What Is Happiness was "when everything is going alright" Is this still alright?
"No. Happiness is a state where you feel alright. A state that has a maximum."

[...]

What is a value?

- So, you cannot live a good life if you cannot tell someone about your victories?
"That is right."

- Does this imply that hermits can never have a good life?

Happiness

about value #160 on the list of values

What does happiness mean?

"Happiness means a state of positive well-being. At least, that was the outcome of our talk in the classroom. Unfortunately, this does not say very much. For example, we had a discussion about how long you should be in this state to call it happiness. Can you be happy for 10 seconds? I think not. I would rather call this joy. To value happiness is to value something which takes longer."

"I like the idea that happiness is not a goal
but a side-effect"

Do you think that happiness is an intrinsic value?

"Happiness is definitively an intrinsic value. This means that you can value happiness for itself and that you probably do not value happiness for another value. For example, some people value money but when you ask why do you value money? they will probably tell you Because then I am happy. But if you ask why do you value happiness? then there is no answer. There is no reference to another value. I want to be happy because I value respect? I cannot imagine someone saying this."

Do you characterize happiness as a virtue or a value?

"I like the idea - as I understand from Aristotle - that happiness is not a goal but a side-effect. If you pursue happiness you'll probably never get it. Or you will always be afraid of losing it. So yes, maybe it is a virtue. If I am doing the things I like, when I am in a flow, I am also happy. But in many of those cases I am intrinsically motivated. I am with friends because I like to be with friends. Friends make me happy (as also Aristotle is saying in The Ethica). I do not hang out with friends because I know that this will make me happy. Being happy is a side-effect of having close friends and family. Then again, happiness as a virtue can be valued. For me happiness is a virtue and a value."